Why I make Dreamscapes.
RECENT IMAGES
How did this all start?
This project began with the stories of motherhood I’ve packed inside myself for far too long. A motherhood filled with joy, grief, regret and longing. I just needed a capsule to place my stories and ideas into. Then, on a whim I bought a dollhouse, just to play and make fun images. I wasn’t ready for what would come next.
I had a house, but it had no life inside. I could decorate it pretty, but I wanted more than that. I wanted to pour my stories inside so they wouldn’t only be contained in me. So I began searching on marketplace and in antique stores. And one day I spotted them. A set of 6 inch dolls; dolls that had lived a few lifetimes already. They were what I needed. I didn’t want perfect, I wanted something real.
I felt like things were coming together, but something was missing. If I wanted to tell the pieces of my heart, then I would have to use my heart language, a language where I often used poetry and metaphor to share the parts I felt that I couldn’t seem to express with regular words. I began with birds and created this image representing finding my childlike joy once again.
I began waking every day with ideas on what to make and themes to explore. Some of the photos share the broken parts of me, some are more light and playful. But I felt like I was gaining a stronger visual voice.
I have found time with the dollhouse is both play and deep therapeutic work. As a mom raising kids from hard places, my motherhood has been filled with grief time and again and yet, somehow I’m daily gifted a sense of joy only my faith seems to be able to explain.
I began showing my work to close friends and finally got up the courage to enter it into an open call. I know this work has a strong message, but still it was exciting to see how it resonated so quickly with others. Becoming Joy was one of 22 artworks selected to be part of The Female Gaze at Rtown Gallery, an incredible honor.
So far feedback from the art and photography community has been incredibly positive, but nothing could prepare me as I showed a close family member this photo I titled Overwhelmed by Motherhood. She has a toddler and she said “you have perfectly encapsulated motherhood with this.” She paused a long while, cried and smiled. I realized I’m making something that tells other moms “I’m here with you” and I can’t imagine a greater calling than that.
While I can’t predict where the path of this series will take me, I can promise to put myself in it. I promise you’ll see love and joy and occasionally bits of despair carried by a deep hope.
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